Pamir flight 202 ("oh what a flight" as the 4 Seasons sang)

First of all, thanks to both my readers for the flood of comments that have deluged me. It has taken a while but I have managed to get through them all, although I am afraid I will not have time to answer each individual comment personally. It does make writing this drivel worthwhile. Am very interested in the comments about Brucie. Do they allow all male couples!!

I would like to start today's proceedings by replying to Clair and thanking her for her concern vis a vis my bowel movements. The nice German doctor says I have IBS. I have looked this up on the interweb thingy and am in a position now of having just enough knowledge to be dangerous to myself. You see, what I need are pro-biotics. You will have seen those Yakult type adverts showing how you will suddenly become a 25-year Adonis if you drink one of their little capsule things per day. Well we don't have them here BUT (and this is where the little knowledge is dangerous bit comes in), apparently pre-biotics will encourage the growth of your own internal, DNA matched, better than ones poured down your throat, made to measure, self multiplying pro-biotics. Now 3 things steeped in pre-biotics (wake up at the back and pay attention) are honey, ordinary yogurt and bananas. So everyday for breakfast and for my pudding in the evening this is what I eat and hey presto, everything is going quite well, although I still seem to teeter on the brink and, metaphorically, fall in every now and then for brief periods.

Now for the rest of you (Clair, you can stop reading now), I have a story of the antics of Pamir Flight 202 from Dubai to Kabul. Aha, you may be asking, what on Earth was our intrepid traveller doing in Dubai. Well, to cut a long story short and not bore you with the details (that is a change, I hear you sigh), my Afghan visa runs out this week and it is easier to get an Afghan visa in Dubai than Afghanistan, so I made a whistle stop visit to Dubai arriving on Saturday evening, getting a visa on Sunday and flying out first thing Monday morning.

Actually while we are talking about Dubai, let me tell you about my Sunday there. I got up at 7am as I needed to be at the embassy by 8am. After breakfast of yogurt only, yes my tummy felt dodgy, I asked the hotel to sort out a taxi to the embassy and the receptionist told me I could get one outside!!!

So, I went out and waited, and waited. Eventually a taxi did stop, but he did not know where the Afghan Embassy was so I let him go, then another came and the same problem. Eventually a man came up to me and asked me where I wanted to go and I told him. He was the driver for the hotel next door. He had no driving to do for an hour so he was happy to take me there and back - for a price. Anyway, I got there handed in all the info etc and then came back.

I went up to the roof where there was a little pool and no people and spent a very pleasant and relaxing few hours on my own having a swim, reading my book, having a swim, reading my book etc. After that I went back to my room had a shower and headed back to the embassy. At least now I knew where it was so was able to direct the taxi driver. Once that was sorted (in typical Afghan style they had told me to go back between 2 and 4pm, I got there at 2.30pm and they were closed, but apparently would open soon!!) which they did.

After I had my passport back with my shiny, new Afghan visa, I got the driver to take me to the big shopping mall with the indoor ski area. Yes folks, there really is an indoor ski centre in Dubai. It is quite bizarre, 35C outside, -3C inside. With your skis you also get a coat and trousers. Really strange skiing and looking through the glass seeing people dressed in Arab wear or t-shirts and shorts watching me sking. But it was real snow and a hill at least the length of the average ski resort nursery slope.

Anyway, I spent a couple of hours there and had a great time, then after I had dinner in the TGI Fridays overlooking the ski slope.

I wandered round the mall for a while and then headed back to the hotel. I had a drink in the bar and then had an early night (as I had to be up at 4.30 today).

Now here we are, finally at the story of Pamir flight 202.

When they called the flight (1 hour late), the melee that ensued would have made the worst Ryanair scrum look like a tea party (and we had allocated seats). Me and a guy called Steve from Canada, just sat back and watched. Also everyone takes huge bags onto the plane. So, when we eventually got on the plane, our seats were taken, and all these people were sat there with their bags taking up the seat next to them. The plane was full and a quarter of the seats were full of luggage, it was chaos. So we just waited and eventually the cabin crew, who were tearing their hair out by now, managed to get the bags off the seats and pile them up across the emergency exit, and seated Steve in Business Class in the last seat there and I eventually found an aisle seat further back.

The plane took off the obligatory 2 hours late, with people sitting there, tables down, seats tilted back, chatting on their phones etc. They are TOTALLY incapable of following simple instructions or behaving in any form of communal way. They are just like children who need to be constantly supervised!!

The flight was OK, but when we got near Kabul chaos ensued again. As we began to get lower people were trying to use their phones to say we were coming in to land. And as for seat belts, you had the window seat person looking out the window, the middle seat, seat belt off leaning across him to see out, and the aisle seat person STANDING on his seat trying to look over their shoulders. This is absolutely true. The cabin crew had given up by now and belted themselves in and left us to it. As fast as they sat someone down they just got straight back up again!!

The moment we landed (we were still on the runway) they are up getting their bags out!!! and racing for the exit. Of course this really does not get the door opened any quicker or the steps put up, or even the baggage out the hold, but it is Kabul life.

So there you have it, today, two stories in one, I will regret this when I am struggling to think of something to tell you next time.

Till then.