The battle of the Jalalabad Road

Greetings one and all, today a story steeped in Kabul with no meanderings or wanderings involved, just straight Kabul talk!

For those of you who have been following my scribblings for a while you will know that the Jalalabad Road is also called "Suicide Alley" due to the number of suicide bombers we get along here. However, without tempting fate, I would say that nothing untoward has happened for a few weeks now so that is good news.

The battle of Jalalabad Road has nothing to do with suicide bombers or any violence, just a touch of anarchy that I find amusing, irritating and in the end am a little envious of.

A doctor I know recently said " driving is still the preferred pastime of the Afghan who wishes to end his life prematurely". I found this a wonderfully colourful and rather convoluted way of saying there is almost no discipline involved in driving in Kabul.

If the traffic on the dual carriageway is slow, then go over to the other carriageway and simply drive the wrong way down it, if it is too far to go round the roundabout then simply cut straight across the corner, overtaking, undertaking, copious use of the horn and the flashing of lights are mandatory and whatever you do, NEVER wait for a gap in the traffic when pulling out of a side turning. Just pull out.

A short time here makes you realise just how disciplined driving in the Western world is. We can be stopped by a red light, we can be directed by a white line painted on the road, without question and yet the white line has no real power, only our respect for it and what it stands for. Which brings me to the battle of the Jalalabad Road.

You see, as I said earlier the Jalalabad Road is a dual carriageway with a divide in the middle about 6 feet wide and a high kerb on either side to create the divide. All along the road are a number of compounds, offices etc.

So, if this was in, shall we say, Sheffield, any vehicle that wanted to go to a compound on the other side of the road would go to the next junction turn round and come back down the other carriageway to the place they wanted to go and turn in. But not in Kabul, every day more and more kerbstones get knocked over and put across the central gap as paving to make a turning point straight into the compound they want to go to. We had almost reached the point where there was more gap that kerbing, which created complete anarchy as everyone was able to cross everywhere!!

So for the last few weeks the authorities have been re-cementing the kerbs back in place every day and the people have been knocking them back down, and so the battle of the Jalalabad Road has continued. However a new tactic has been employed and the authorities are finally winning. They re-cement the kerbstones in and then fill the gap with soil about 18 inches deep making a small bank in between. So now if the kerbs are much more difficult to knock down and you still have to get the vehicle up over the bank. So once again the authorities are winning.

So, like I say, this anarchy has been really irritating when you try to get down the dual carriageway and there are lorries and cars turning every 50 yards, at the same time is is amusing to see the war of attrition going on between the Ministry of Traffic and the drivers and ultimately, I have a grudging respect for this complete lack of reverence for the authorities and their attempt to improve the traffic chaos that is Kabul. To the Afghan driver it is quite simple: "I want to go there and that is where I shall go, by the quickest, shortest and straightest route regardless of any consequent inconvenience or danger that may be caused to myself or others"

So there you have it, a snippet of life in Kabul.

I still haven't told you about my table, you must be on tenterhooks wondering what it could possibly be.