HSBC, how can I help you?

It is 2.30pm and it is sweltering here. I really am sorry to complain about the heat to you as you suffer the British autumnal rain and cold. If I was sitting on a beach I would be very happy, but I am sitting at a desk, in shirt and trousers, the fan above me is going full tilt and I have a menagerie of objects holding down the various pieces of paper on my desk, stopping them from blowing away. As soon as I pick up an object, the papers fly across the table to the floor, which is just a tad annoying. If I put my hand or forearm on a piece of paper it immediately sticks to me and becomes damp, so I can no longer write on it. So here I am, sat at a nice big desk, the windows wide open, the fan on full pelt, my shirt and trousers stuck to me, papers flapping on the desk, a sheet of A4 stuck to my forearms try to write on another piece before it flies out the window and you are their in the UK thinking, lucky bugger, he's in Sri Lanka!

I have left the aircon on in my bedroom and sneak off there for a couple of minutes every now and then, just to escape the heat, but relief is very temporary.

I have just had confirmation that the military will allow me to fly to Jaffna on Friday, so that is good. There is another ex-pat up there and hopefully we will be able to go and visit some minefields and get out and about.

But that is not the subject of today's epistle.

I went for a brief walk yesteday evening and found a very large, modern building at the end of the road with HSBC written on the side. So, I asked a few questions this morning and lo, it is an international call centre. So, if you are an HSBC customer and you phone the bank to find yourself talking to someone called “Jimmy” or "Tracy" with a dodgy English/Indian type accent with a lot of chatter going on in the background, just think – I could be just round the corner. So if you have any messages you wish delivered by hand please feel free to send them in to Laneender and I will do my best to pass them on, person to person - just like in the good old days!